Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
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