SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Randomize
