every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
So many bounce houses so little time
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
