Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
areolas are like halos for boobs.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
