trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Randomize
