Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
