I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize