mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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