i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
