forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
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