Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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