wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
my poor anus
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I am mentally ready for anal.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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