I will die if light touches me.
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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