she was so not down for the gang bang
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
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