so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
