i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Randomize
