Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
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