I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
