he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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