he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
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