Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
