Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
