I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
