Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
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