i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
where are my eyebrows?
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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