That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
