Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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