I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Randomize
