Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
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