Too much gin, very little bucket
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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