lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Randomize
