Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
