Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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