his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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