and she was petting her beer can
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
