FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
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