I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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