found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
