Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
