yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
