rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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