Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
