it hurts more in the daytime
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Randomize
