Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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