Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
