I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
