I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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