Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
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