i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
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There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
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Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
God I need to hump something, right now.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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