Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Randomize
