Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
