Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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