he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize