Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
