Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
