I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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