if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
he puts the penis in happiness.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize