can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
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