Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
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