she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Randomize
