Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
