i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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