i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
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He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
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Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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