He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
