Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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