That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
He shit in the fireplace
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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