My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
I could make wine with my vomit
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
