I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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