I'm really into asian looking animals
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Randomize
