fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Randomize
