Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
