bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
