i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
