oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
he's single and there are thong briefs.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
